You mean marriage requires work?

I grew up believing in fairy tales but as I got older I saw how real marriages also took work so you could get that fairy tale ending. Here’s an interesting article I found about ‘Eight Things No One Tells You About Marriage’. I'm certainly no expert but here are the main points & my thoughts about them following:

1. You will look at the person lying next to you & wonder, “Is this it? Forever?”

Perhaps not in those words but, after you have been together for a while, there are days that may seem mundane & going through the ‘daily routine’ but those are the days that you can be especially grateful for the stability in your life.

2. You’ll work harder than you ever imagined.

There’s a term about how ‘something worth doing is never easy’ comes to mind here. A marriage is a friendship & partnership (among other things – wink, wink) & everyone knows that everyone changes with time. Maybe not their basic qualities but how they see things & their life priorities. When Hubby & I were dating & attending two separate colleges, I knew then how the little events of our days would shape our personalities & change our viewpoints on EVERYTHING. So we talked about everything that happened during our day to the why we did laundry when to what we disliked about our professor to what we wanted out of our lives. As a result, we grew not only as individuals but as a couple. There were good & bad times but as long as the good outweigh the bad, I will always be thankful for Hubby being my friend, lover & partner in our life we continue to build together.

3. You will sometimes go to bed mad (and wake up even madder).

A common piece of advice is to never go to bed angry but let’s face it, sometimes you just can’t resolve a problem in one night before you go to bed (especially with how busy life is with kids). I believe the smart thing to do is to talk about it & work it out as soon as you can so the ‘difficult issue’ does not become a resentful pressure point in your marriage.

4. You will go without sex – sometimes for a long time – and that’s okay.

Think about how busy life is! Now add in a relationship, jobs, kids, classes, plans, holidays, etc. Life is so fast-paced in our society that it’s difficult to slow down & make time just for yourself, much less couple-time only with your spouse. It’s not surprising how tired we always are. The important thing is to stay connected on a physical level showing your affection for each other via touch. After fifteen & half years together, I still love to feel Hubby’s arms around me. If I ever felt differently, I would be very concerned for myself & our relationship. Luckily, I don’t think I’ll ever worry about that!

5. Getting your way is usually not as important as finding a way to work together.

This is hard one for me sometimes because I like things a certain way. Sometimes I have to push my organized nature aside & accept that a different way of doing things. I always struggle to ‘learn a lesson’ from doing things a different way even if it’s not a way I like at the time.

6. A great marriage doesn’t mean no conflict; it simply means a couple keeps trying to get it right.

Fighting often brings up unresolved conflicts which cannot be settled or a solution agreed upon as a result of opposite personalities and/or viewpoints. As unpleasant & stressful as fighting can be, it’s important that arguments do occur these unresolved conflicts do not reach a boiling point & it’s too late & difficult to find any peaceful resolution.

7. You’ll realize that you can only change yourself.

When I started dating Hubby, I never thought, “Now if I can only this about him!” You see when I started dating him, it was because I LIKED who he was. When I married him, it was because I LOVED who he was. Yes, we all have our idiosyncrasies but isn’t that the point? No one likes EVERYTHING about another person (even our partners/spouses) but when you build a life with someone, shouldn’t you RESPECT the other person & all their personality traits (even if an occasional few drive you crazy)?

8. As you face your fears & insecurities, you will find out what you’re really made of.

Any kind of life worth having involves taking some risks, including facing your fears. Before Hubby & I were married, I was terrified I was going to lose him in a terrible car accident. Thankfully that never happened but I couldn’t ask him to stop driving or living his life just because of my fear. I had to face each day & grow stronger, moving beyond my fear. When we decided to have kids, we were faced with infertility. We couldn’t imagine never having children to share our lives with. Facing those fears (even though we finally got our blessings in time) made us stronger as individuals & as a couple.