How do you see marriage?

Everyone has a different perspective on marriage, whether they are single, engaged, married or divorced. After being married for almost a decade, I still love Hubby immensely & we are always aware to not take each other for granted. We both know life is incredibly busy & sometimes can get annoyed with each other; but I've always said that the good times should always outweigh the bad & in our case, there's no question. We are still just as happy together as the day we got married.

Not everyone takes marriage so seriously though. Now I do agree that sometimes you have to laugh at yourself & see the humor in life (which is something I don't do easily). Then again the girls in my family can get quite silly somtimes, especially when my Mom, youngest sister & I are hanging out! Marriage is simply one of those topics that is easy to understand & laugh at with almost any comic. So for all those other perspectives, this is for you!





Some say there are even different stages in a marriage!

The Five Stages of Marriage By Mark Goulston, M.D. who is the author of The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship (Putnam, 2001).

There's a joke about marriage: "Where does sex take place in a marriage? Early on, anywhere and everywhere; later on, in the bedroom; and finally, in the hallway when you and your spouse walk by each other and say, 'Screw you!'"

Many married couples laugh at jokes about how marital bliss turns into blisters not just because they're funny, but because they ring true. Understanding these marital stages can help us tame our expectations and feel more satisfied in our relationships.

Stage One: "Why don't we do it in the road?" --The Beatles

Early on in a marriage, just like in the beginning stages of our relationship, we're swept away by being in love. We are euphorically transported from being psychologically distant from our parents and feeling intimately alone in the world to being attached at the hip and heart with our soul mate. The rush we feel in going from unconnected to viscerally attached is intoxicating and we just can't get enough of each other sexually. At this stage, we love the way our partner makes us feel as much as we love him or her. We love because of everything our partner does right by and for us.

Stage Two: "Sex in bed, missionary style -- and don't forget to turn out the lights when you're finished!"

Reality and a wide range of roles and responsibilities start to impose upon our lust and love. Whereas we used to squeeze in the rest of life to accommodate our loving, we now find ourselves squeezing in the loving between being parents, workers, homemakers and caretakers to our aging parents. Fun still finds a way to survive in spite of our becoming slaves to our many routines, but it takes work. This is marriage's vulnerable stage and it's the time when a woman can go from feeling cherished to being taken for granted and when a man can go from feeling admired to belittled.

Stage Three: "Screw me? Screw you!"

When inevitable disappointment and hurt are left undealt with, they deteriorate into bitterness, coldness and indifference. We've gone from lovers to unhappy roommates. This is what happens when people don't work at their relationships. Sadly, most people don't do the work, not because they don't want to, but because they don't know how. They don't realize that getting angry at their mate or feeling sorry for themselves are actual choices that they can make or not make. Or, they fail to notice that instead of jumping to conclusions and down their spouse's throat, they can try to listen to all the facts.

Stage Four: "Still in love"

This is what's possible when we continue to feed our relationships with tender loving care, counteract our tendency to blame problems on our mate, and choose to think of why we are grateful to our partner. People in this stage do indeed have disagreements that aren't easy to resolve. Yet, rather than holding on to their anger, they instead choose to forgive and trust. Armed with these tools to fight for love, we easily learn to live the lesson of mature and lasting love: loving someone in spite of what he or she does wrong.

Stage Five: "Till death do you do part."

If we make it through stage three or four, which usually occur when we are in our 50s, the final stage of marriage is ours to enjoy when we're in our 60s and beyond. This has a lot to do with giving up the unwinable fight in our 50s to be who we were in our 20s and 30s, or perhaps letting go of our need to make that final big killing in our careers. We realize we can continue to want what we don't have and be unhappy, or else want what we do have and be content. Instead of focusing on the love that's missing, we begin to see and appreciate the love that's present. We realize that we're not settling for less, we're waking up to the more that has always been there.

That's not to say that small or big wedding mishaps don't happen when you do get married. They definately do & all you can do is know the something will most likely not go as planned so you plan everything the best you can. Then if something does happen just remember to breathe, laugh & make the best of it if & when any mishaps occur... like these!




What about the worst 'what if' happens on your wedding day? Here's a video with advice for that worst case circumstance. This is a 'How to Call Off Your Wedding"!